So, is what you said actually what you meant?

Because... I can't read your mind. 

This came up for me a few times last week...

I took a class sometime last week and as we were holding a plank and sweat is dripping from my nose, the teacher goes, "planking is the single best move for building a long, lean looking body." It was everything in my power I could do to not flop down on the floor and shout out "BUT PLANKING HAS SO MANY OTHER INCREDIBLE BENEFITS THAT ARE SO SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT."

At another time last week I was taking a yoga class and the teacher said, "your feet should be about hips width distance... ladies, good news, your hips aren't as wide as you think they are." The width of my hip bones does not seem relevant to "good" or "bad" news... ALSO, my hip bones are not getting narrower or wider just as my arm bones are not going to get longer or shorter. Was your point to tell me to scoot my feet closer to each other? Or was your point to remind me that I probably have some sort of body dysmorphia? OR PERHAPS were you projecting your dislike of your hips that you think are too wide onto me. That's a question for Jessi: getFIT615's resident therapist. 

On Saturday, I got to teach a class at ivivva in Green Hills - ivivva is lululemon's brand for girls. I had two sisters in my class and they were absolutely adorable - 12 and 14 years old. One was a swimmer and one was a ballerina. We started with the power pose... if you haven't seen this Ted Talk by Amy Cuddy, I think it's worth a watch or 30. We talked about confidence and about being proud of yourself. Then we did some burpees and some jump squats. And then we got a little bit distracted and basically rolled around on the floor the rest of the time...... but at one point we were doing some core work and I said, "do you guys know why it's so important to keep your core strong?" and the ballerina said, "so your stomach looks good?" I didn't tell her "no!" I just told her that it protects everything that's inside of you - that your core muscles keep your whole body strong and capable. That having a strong core is good for her headstands and good for her balance in ballet and will help her sister be a faster swimmer and better at playing the trumpet. I told them that their core muscles protect their spines and that we're likely to feel better if our core is strong and mobile. And then we did some headstands and balancing and stretching. We had a blast.

Sharing information with someone in love is an opportunity for growth - it creates conversation. "People don't resist change, they resist being changed." - Peter Senge.

When the teacher told me that a plank was good for building a long and lean body it made me feel like I needed to change, that I was too short and not lean enough... it made me feel like I wasn't doing enough... that my plank wasn't good enough. When I was told that my hips weren't as wide as I thought they were, it made me feel shame for not knowing how wide my hips actually are? And should they be smaller? Can I make my hips smaller? Should I try? Brené Brown would call this a shame spiral.

Fortunately, I dug around for some positive self talk and reminded myself that I was doing great and that these two teachers aren't in charge of how I feel about my body - I am. 

My point with these two instances is that our language is so important. Why are you saying what it is that you're saying. Is that what you really mean? Is that what you're really trying to tell someone? Is that what's important to you? There's no such thing as a throwaway comment - somebody heard you say that... and it meant something to somebody.

Kids remember shit. 
Adults remember shit.

Let your words do good. In the Embrace film by the Body Image Movement (for which I am proud to say I'm a global ambassador!), a woman is talking about how she had all this negative energy surrounding her body image, and as she was close to ending her own life, she just flipped a switch. She says, "I can either let this energy continue to be negative or I can just turn it into positive energy." It takes work to turn negative energy into positive energy but it can be done! It can be done with kind language and love. 


Spending life's energy on not believing in yourself isn't what we're here for.


love you, 
mean it.
really.
kate

PS. Running Update: I had another shit run last week. Tears were shed on this one yall. Melt. Down. I have shin splints and they hurt. Bad. So yesterday I got some new shoes, I ran two miles, and then I called it a day. But you know what I didn't do over the weekend? Run. I didn't run at all. I didn't even think about it. Long run you say? Didn't do it. I'm resting my poor little shins. The end.