Ok T Swiz… it’s time.

Look, I like Taylor Swift. I think she’s great. I love that she just sued a guy for $1 because he inappropriately touched her and she stood up for herself and every other woman ever. I fucking love that. Of course.

But this isn’t really about her… it’s just about her music. Well actually, this is mostly about life.

Specifically, I’d like to discuss the dating world in general. It’s like we’ve forgotten that there’s another person on the other side of tinder. It’s like we’ve forgotten that someone actually has to SEE and cannot UNSEE a picture of your dick that you sent without asking. Like, not even a little bit would I ask for that. I have literally never asked for that. It’s like the sting of rejection isn’t real just because it comes through on a screen. It’s like someone’s personality can actually come through via text on your phone. It can’t. It just can’t. We are missing out on tone, and body language, and getting to look someone in the eye when they’re talking to us. And sending emojis are great, but it’s not the same as seeing someone’s face.


Anyway, back to Taylor Swift.

Let’s look through these lyrics a little bit:


“I don't like your little games

Don't like your tilted stage

The role you made me play

Of the fool, no, I don't like you…

Look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you made me do” - Look What You Made Me Do


“So it's gonna be forever

Or it's gonna go down in flames

You can tell me when it's over

If the high was worth the pain

Got a long list of ex-lovers

They'll tell you I'm insane

'Cause you know I love the players

And you love the game” - Blank Space


“No apologies. He'll never see you cry,

Pretends he doesn't know that he's the reason why.

You're drowning, you're drowning, you're drowning.

Now I heard you moved on from whispers on the street

A new notch in your belt is all I'll ever be

And now I see, now I see, now I see” - I Knew You Were Trouble


“’Cause baby, now we've got bad blood

You know it used to be mad love

So take a look what you've done

’Cause baby, now we've got bad blood, hey!

Now we've got problems

And I don't think we can solve 'em

You made a really deep cut

And baby, now we've got bad blood, hey!” - Bad Blood


There’s an underlying theme here: nothing is ever the singer’s fault. It’s time to take some personal responsibility for our actions people.


Take a step back… you are the underlying theme in all of your relationships. So, if you’re having the same problem in a bunch of your relationships, it’s you. We can sugar coat this all we want… but the truth is, the issue is you. You can want for this other person to change with all your heart, you can ask them to, you can tell them you’re going to leave them if they don’t, you can threaten your heart out… but they probably won’t. And even if they do, it probably won’t fix it. So how about you change.

You can tell someone all day long, "look what you made me do!" But you did that... they didn't make you do that. You did that. 


Two things about realizing that you're the common denominator: It kind of blows because we all think we’re pretty awesome and stuff. And that’s true! We are! And we all have growth that needs to happen and so you’re going to have to do some work. AND it’s empowering af. YOU are the one who GETS to change this relationship. YOU are the one who gets to make some choices. YOU get to grow. YOU get to show up differently. YOU get to take the blame off of that other person and move forward! 


In Taylor Swift’s defense, this sort of lyric probably won’t sell well:


“I don't like your little games

Don't like your tilted stage

The role you play of the fool, no, I don't like you…

So I’m just really not going to engage in that. 

Thank you though.

You keep doing you. 

And I’ll be over here setting boundaries and doing my own thing

Because this is who I want to be.” - Boundaries Lyrics by: Taylor Swift and Kate Moore


So long story short:

  • Don’t be a dick to someone via the internet or in real life - because the truth is that being a dick on the internet means that you’re also a dick in real life. And dudes, I’m not just talking to you! Ladies, this applies to us.
  • Responding “no” is funny, but it’s also rejecting someone and being rejected really sucks.
  • Learn how to communicate your needs in a way that is kind and comes from a space of love and respect for both yourself and the person you’re in relationship with. 
  • Don’t send dick pics unless they are EXPLICITLY requested. A good way to know if someone has asked for one is to go back through your messages looking for, “Hi will you please send me a photo of your penis. I would really appreciate that. Thanks!” If you don’t see a text like that, don’t send the pic.
  • Don’t be a dick.
  • Just because it makes for a good social media meme doesn’t mean that makes for good relationship building… in fact, it’s probably safe to say that if what you just responded with WOULD make for a good meme caption, it was a shitty thing to say. 
  • Remember that you’re talking to a human being with feelings
  • If the same shit keeps happening over and over and over, you need to make some changes. Take some responsibility for the stuff that happens in your life. It’s empowering and authentic.
  • “Honesty without tact is cruelty” - Harry, Kristen Bell’s therapist


Giving credit and taking responsibility:

Thank you for the good conversation regarding this topic: Jessi Bewley, Riki Carach, and Kathryn Defatta’s CycleBar class that Jessi Bewley went to.


Read Kathryn's post about Training People How To Treat You - it involves boundaries and consequences.

Taylor Swift: Crushing the Power Pose in Look What You Made Me Do

Taylor Swift: Crushing the Power Pose in Look What You Made Me Do