On being kind to fear: It’s in the way that you speak to yourself. Soften.


This is something that’s been on my mind recently: Let go. I’m tired because I can’t let go. I’m frustrated because I can’t move on. I’m annoyed. I’m defensive. 

And then a friend asked me what I would say to her if she were just as frustrated with not being able to let go. I said, “It’s ok. You will.” She said, “Exactly.”

 

What are you afraid of? 

It’s ok. You’re ok. 


Here’s the thing about fear: we need fear. We must have fear. Fearlessness does not exist. Fearlessness is reckless. Even though fear is part of who we are, fear doesn’t get to make the decisions. Fear doesn’t get to be in charge of who we are and what we do. As we get angry at fear for keeping us from doing things that we really want to do, we are angry at our self for letting fear become the leader. Also, as we get angry at fear because she won’t allow us to let go, we are angry at our self for letting fear take control.

Fear’s job is to keep us safe. Fear is the reason we don’t jump off the proverbial cliff that our mothers always talk about, in pursuit of our friends. Fear is the reason I didn’t touch any plants (or bugs) while on study abroad in Australia. Fear keeps us within our comfort zones where fear already knows the answers. 

Fear is also the reason that we struggle with vulnerability. What if we get hurt? What if this doesn’t work out? What if I fall? But oh, my darling, what if you fly! Fear begs us not to do things where we could potentially get hurt, because fear doesn’t see the opportunity waiting for us on the other side. Faith and Fear are constantly in a battle to win you over and it’s a never ending war. Fortunately, you can train Faith or Fear to become stronger - to become your go-to action. My recommendation? Become Faith’s personal trainer.

John Steinbeck says, “Don’t worry about losing. If it’s right, it happens. The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.” 

nothing good gets away steinbeck

 

I opened a gym in 2014 - I had never owned a gym before, I had never been a personal trainer before, and I had never been the boss. I started a business in an industry in which I had zero experience. I was scared shitless. So I trusted the people who surrounded me (and I'm fortunate enough to still be surrounded by them). I was open to the opportunity. I craved change. The timeline between me choosing to quit a job that was sucking the life out of me, and the gym space being available was completely uncanny. I had to have faith. I had to trust my instincts. I had to trust my friends. I had to trust the timing. And I had to have faith in the fact that, “If it’s right, it happens. The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.” It sounds all rainbows and unicorns and it is rainbows and unicorns… most of the time. And then there are other times when it rains and the historic stone walls leak; When I almost don’t make payroll in a month; When I leave my house at 5:30am and don’t get back to it until 8:30pm; When you can’t heat a basement (the gym is in an exposed-stone basement of an incredible historic home on Music Row in Nashville, TN and she has her “quirks” if you will); When someone writes a shitty review on the interwebs and it hurts my feelings. And I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for the space that I have created with the help of people who love me and what I stand for. I wouldn’t trade any of my shit sandwiches (as Elizabeth Gilbert calls them) for anyone else’s.

Owning GetFit615 has been an ongoing practice in training faith. 

In trust and in faith, you don’t have the answers and that’s the whole reason that Faith and Fear butt heads. Fear requires answers, and faith doesn’t. So when it comes to my gym, I have so much faith in my abilities as a business owner as well as my business itself. We are two separate spirits and do in fact function independently of each other (last year at this time I would have certainly argued this). I don’t know what our future looks like together, but I’m stoked about it and look forward to finding out! Also, I am SO #BLESSED to be surrounded by a tribe of empowering individuals who support me every single day!

HOWEVER…

The Modern Romance, if you will (consider reading Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance - the dating world is a weird place and Aziz is hilarious) - I’m struggling with this one. We all do! (To be clear: I am not asking for sympathy in this and it's certainly not a cry for help in fixing it because if I was here asking for sympathy and fixing, that wouldn't be coming from a space of self-love and faith now would it??) I’m having trouble trusting the grief that still lingers from my last (and much less modern) romance. I’ve been pushing myself to let go, get over it, move on. But I’ve never been asked to trust the grief… until now. Grief has a purpose too. Thanks to one of my dear Friends with Benefits, I’m remembering to come back to love every single day; to really experience the grief when it does come.

When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about. - Haruki Murakami.

So I’m trusting the storm - I’m really feeling the storm. I’m not going to try to fight this storm anymore.


On being kind to fear: it’s a never ending practice. Fear will never go away, so stop trying to get it to. Come back to love again and again and again, and know that this is a lifelong practice. No matter how old you are, you are NEVER immune to coming home to love. 


Dear Fear, 

I see you. I appreciate you being there and doing your best to take care of me. Thank you for asking for answers. Right now though, I don’t have anything for you. Because of my lack of answers, I’m letting Faith handle this one. Thank you and please be quiet now.

Love, me

Dated: today and every day